Hard

So from the last post you can see that God has been moving. Things have been shifting.

But as much as things have been shifting and God has been moving I still find my self not trusting.

It's been hard to be still.

Yesterday when I was cleaning the house I found the electric bill. The amount owed was a HUGE chunk of change. I felt the worry well up inside of me. The night ended with me crying at the feet of the Lord. I didn't know how it was going to get paid. (and partly because YouTube wasn't working and I really wanted to hear Desert Song by Brooke Fraser.)

About lunch time today the electric bill made it's way to the front of my mind. I called my dad and told him to get the full amount so we could start figuring out how we were going to pay it. 10 minutes later his number appeared on the caller ID at work. My heart sank and I felt like I was going to throw up. He said it wasn't good. The bill was $14.88...(Yes, my father will make a joke at any moment. I love him for it.)

Whoa! HOLD THE PHONE! Fourteen HUNDRED dollars?!

No.

$14.88

I stayed in my doubt. I dwelled there. Even after professing how God moved three days before.

..."Lord I believe; help my unbelief!"
Mark 9:24

Worry

The water pump is broken. At least I think that's what it's called. The thing that pumps water into our home is getting really hot. Needless to say, I want to pull my hair out. This has been one of those, "you never realize how much you use something until it's not there" kind of weeks...

Indoor plumbing is my long lost love.

Moving on...


I'm a worrier. It's terrible, I know, but it's hereditary. (No, really. You should meet my grandmother)


I struggle with it daily. I will worry, hand the issue over to God, then continue worrying. But, why? I know God's truth. It says:


Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. - Philippians 4:6 The Message


So if I know and believes God's truth then why can't I apply it to my life? I've obviously been worried about the water pump. (This is all tying in. I promise.)


Last week, before all this water pump jazz, I prayed and asked the Lord for a word from him. Well I left church feeling pretty unsatisfied. It wasn't until tonight that I heard from Him...


As I was washing dishes I was letting myself get worked up. I could feel myself getting overwhelmed. ( I know I'm getting overwhelmed when I get this annoying ache behind my eyes. It's kind of like how my teeth go numb when I've had too many glasses of wine.) It wasn't until that moment, right in the middle of my worry, that I heard God. I could feel his presence and I heard him say, very softly (so I really had to listen), "Talk to me."


Talk to me. That's all he was asking. He said that he would take the worry and all I had to do was talk to him. I'm still wrapping my head around this.


Before now, I thought that worrying was something I needed to stop all together. Like breaking a bad habit. It never occurred to me that I needed to replace my worrying with something else. I needed to talk to God.


I love the part in the verse above that says, "Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns."


Worry is human nature. It's OK and normal to worry. It's all about taking that worry and changing it into something pleasing to God. When we talk to him and confide in him, he is pleased. He also says that in return he will calm us down. How awesome is that? We give him nothing but conversation and he returns to us peace of mind!

Praise the Lord for overheating water pumps! :)